Episode #41: 6 tips to minimize burnout during the holidays
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In this episode, Dayna and Rhonda have a great discussion about burnout. And offer 6 soft suggestions for strategies to minimize burnout this time of year.
Here are our 6 tips for minimizing burnout:
1️⃣ Scale back your workout routine/ adjust your mindset about what “counts” as exercise this time of year
2️⃣ Make meal planning/ cooking easier
3️⃣ Get better at asking for help
4️⃣ Block off intentional breaks in your work schedule
5️⃣ Minimize financial stress if you can
6️⃣ It’s ok to say no to things
➡️ We would LOVE if you would share this episode with a friend who might resonate with this message!
Mentioned in this episode:
🔹 Purchase Rhonda’s Holiday workout PDF Strong at Home Winter
🔹 Burnout Book by Emily and Amelia Nagoski - Amazon link, Website
🔹 Chef’s plate meal kits
🔹 Libby (The Honest Mom) - Instagram, Website
🔹 Glennon Doyle - Instagram, Website
🔹 Renee Reina - Instagram, Website
🔹 Emma Jack (Press Play Physio) - Instagram, Website
🔹 Subscribe to Rhonda’s Email list
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Episode #41: 6 tips to minimize burnout during the holidays
We're excited to have you join us for this episode of Pelvic Health and Fitness. I'm Dayna Morellato, Mom, Orthopedic and Pelvic Health Physiotherapist. And I'm Rhonda Chamberlain, Mom, Orthopedic Physiotherapist and Pre Postnatal Fitness Coach. On this show, we have open and honest conversations about all phases of motherhood, including fertility, pregnancy, birth, postpartum, menopause, and everything in between.
We also provide helpful education and information on fitness, the pelvic floor, and many aspects of women's health, including physical, mental, and emotional wellness. Please remember as you listen to this podcast that this is not meant to treat or diagnose any medical conditions. Please contact your medical provider if you have specific questions or concerns.
Thanks so much for joining us. Grab a cup of coffee. Or wine. And enjoy!
Hey podcast friends, Rhonda here. I just have a quick call to action before we get into today's episode. So if you're listening to this episode live, it's December 5th and I just released today strong at home winter, which is a workout PDF with six weeks of workouts you can do at home over the holidays using only dumbbells.
So if you remember in the summer, I released strong at home summer, um, um, got lots of great feedback from it. and a lot of you requested to have some options for the holidays, so releasing it December 5th and it will be available for purchase until December 12th. The pricing for that will range from 5 to 25, so pay what you can.
Um, it will still be available after that time, but it will stay at the 25 price. So if that's something you're interested in, head to my website, RhondaChamberlainPT. com. Forward slash strong at home winter to check it out and purchase that today. All right, let's get into today's episode, everyone. And welcome back to another episode of pelvic health and fitness today.
Dayna and I are going to discuss a topic that. is very relevant to this time of year. Um, I will say off the bat, I'm coming off, uh, my second horrible cold in a row. So I apologize. My voice is a little off, but this also goes along with today's topic. We're going to talk about burnout. And so Dane and I were just kind of chatting before we hit record that there's just so much on the go this time of year.
So much on our brains. Um, you know, it's become a badge of honor that people say, how are things going and you say busy, so it's just that time of year, um, you know, Christmas approaching all these sicknesses going around, uh, depending where you live, there's strike action happening in different schools, uh, post pandemic, all of the above, there's just a lot going on.
Um, so just a reminder before we talk about, uh, some tips to help with that you can be both grateful for things in life. And feel the need to make changes. If you're feeling overwhelmed, it doesn't have to be either. Or I think sometimes we have that sort of black or white. It's like, no, I have a lot to be thankful for.
I should just suck it up and not complain, but there is a lot we can work on to change. And so these are just some ideas. Um, I'll just say right off the bat to some of these come with a lot of privilege and, you know, it's, might not be possible to make all of these changes in your life, but just some soft suggestions.
Soft suggestions and things you might be able to implement, uh, in your household to help with burnout around the holidays. Yeah, absolutely. I like that you said soft suggestions. I think we should also clarify that we are not mental health professionals and this is really just things that we have implemented in our own lives.
I think it's also important to recognize that burnout is an actual classification of, uh, of a collection of physical and mental health symptoms. Um, And as a resource, I read the book. I don't know if you've read this Rhonda, Burnout by Emily Nagoski. Pardon me. I haven't, I haven't, I haven't read it yet though.
Her and her sister, she also wrote Come As You Are, uh, which I think we spoke about, um, in our episode with Laura about pain with intercourse, but it is a fantastic book. Um, it has a really great, um, Really great, easy to read and digest ways of how you can sort of work through your stress response. Um, I have heard that it is a fantastic audiobook as well.
For sure, come as you are is, um, so if you are looking for other resources on burnout from somebody who is trained, um, in that area specifically, um, That's a great one. I really liked it. I love it. I just wanted to say too. I feel like, you know, there's so much talk around burnout and I don't know if you find this frustrating, but I feel like the one thing I hear is, you know, burnout is often, you're just not doing enough of the things you love.
And I feel like saying that to a mom is. It's so frustrating, right? Because it's like, I have no time to do the things that I love. How do you expect me to insert joy into my life when I can barely get out the door in the morning? 100%. 100%. I feel that in my life. A lot right now. Like you said, all those things.
We've not exactly been healthy over here either. Yeah, for sure. I think, yeah, the number one thing I read about burnout is you got to make sure that you prioritize joy, joy in your life. And listen, I hear that, but when you're sort of in the trenches, so to speak, particularly around the holidays, and if you're listening, Rhonda and I are elves, like we love Christmas.
So this is not meant to sound negative about the holidays because we love it. Um, but. Yeah, I guess what we have to do is find the joy in the things that we end up planning. That's what I've sort of tried to, uh, I'm going to try as well. Uh, this is the stuff that we have planned is stuff that I genuinely like to do, but I think I forget to enjoy it.
Yeah. And I think that's kind of the theme of what we'll get into today is like, Because we're so overbooked. Yes. When those joyful things arise, we can't even be present because we're thinking about the next thing. So I think, yeah, the theme that you'll notice with our tips is like, what things can you take off your plate so that hopefully you can insert some more joyful things into your day.
Yeah, absolutely. Okay. So let's dive in. Um, the first one that we have for you is scale back your workout routine. Um, okay. You know, we're active people. We have certain idea of ourselves, of what we expect from exercise, the intensity that we expect from exercise. Um, and we talk to new moms all the time about being realistic and maybe, um, Changing your mindset about what exercise and movement looks like postpartum.
I think when you're feeling burnout at any point in your life, the same principles apply. What feels good? What do you have the capacity for? And what you do have the capacity for has to serve you and your energy, both mentally and physically. So if it's starting to take away from that, and it's feeling like an extra drain, give yourself permission to just Take it out or decrease it in some way, frequency intensity for me, I'll take it down to yoga versus the sweaty ones.
Cause it just feels like it's more, um, easily digestible, I guess, um, for me when it, when I'm feeling kind of crazy, ultimately it does make me feel more calm too. So. That's nice. Um, but I think we have to just, I use this term a lot, like parent ourselves and just be okay with decreasing something that's starting to feel like more on your plate.
Yeah, and you know, we could go multiple layers with this conversation where All the messaging right now is, you know, you have to work off the meals. You have to work off all the sweets that you're eating, right. It's so, so, so toxic. And so I would just challenge us all to unlearn some of that too. Right.
And understand that, you know, the sole purpose of exercise is not to burn off our meals. That is diet culture talking. And so, yeah, how can you view exercise differently as a way to serve you? Like you said, Dayna. So, yeah. So whether that for me, I try my best to go for walks during the holidays, because that's something I, you know, I'm challenged with when it's cold and wintry.
Um, I don't love the cold, but I do feel so much better when I get outside. So that is something I try to do. And if I get like one workout in a week, I'm proud of myself with that. Yeah, for sure. I think, and if you have young kids, again, I say this all day long to people, just a reminder, you're lifting and carrying and picking up and putting down, and if you lugged your Christmas bins upstairs this weekend like I did, Yikes.
Those things are heavy. That is all exercise. It's all movement. So just lots of grace for yourself. Remind yourself that you are doing a lot and exercise isn't going anywhere. You can always swing back to it when you have more time. Exactly. Yeah. All right. So the second one is make meal planning easier.
So this can depend on your family structure and who does the cooking. If you're a single parent, obviously this might change things, but, um, I personally, I, so I do the cooking in our house. Typically, uh, Jay is a great barbecuer, so that's kind of his thing in the summer. Um, but I do the cooking. I actually do enjoy cooking.
I feel like a When my kids were little, I went through a phase of hating cooking because the stress of like having kids around me was not enjoyable. But as my kids get older, I'm starting to like it again. Um, so when I was going through that phase of not enjoying cooking, I tried to make my meal planning because to me, that is the most stressful part of it.
The actual cooking of the meal, I don't mind, but it's the planning ahead and making sure I have the groceries for the meals that stresses me out the most. So we would do, I would honestly do like taco Tuesdays, pizza every Friday, um, you know, pasta Wednesday, I'd have kind of like a schedule that I would follow and as much as it can get boring and whatever, at least.
I was, you know, we were having meals at home, um, not spending money going out, that kind of thing. And so that was helpful. And I think again, just going along with like the diet culture stuff, ditching that thinking that like, Oh, there's no way I can have pizza every Friday. That's not healthy. Right? Like change your definition of what is healthy because What is healthy if you know, you're trying not to eat pizza every friday, but you're driving yourself nuts trying to plan meals Or you're spending money going out for meals, you know, so It healthy is multifaceted.
So, um, you know that was helpful for me Another thing was using frozen meals. So we're a huge fan of costco in our house. So we would get like Frozen lasagnas, frozen shepherd's pies, um, pastas, that type of thing that is easy just to put in the oven and, uh, cook up a meal. Um, and we've also started using, this is not, uh, to try to get an affiliate or anything like that, but we've been loving and using chef's plate.
So that is, yeah, yes, exactly. Um, so chef's plate is similar to HelloFresh, all of those meal delivery services where they deliver. The ingredients to your door. So we've been doing three meals a week. And I actually, that has helped me learn to enjoy cooking again, because again, everything's there for me. I don't have to go shopping and finding all these random ingredients for these recipes.
It's all laid out for me and I just cook it. And that's been super, super helpful. Um, and I would say, yeah, like if you can delegate meals, um, you know, if you have a partner that's willing to help, like, Jay and I have a good partnership in the sense I do the cooking, he'll do all the dishes and cleaning.
He'll keep the kids occupied while I'm cooking. And that, that has helped too, that, you know, again, when I have kids at my feet and like bugging me and asking me a million questions, cooking is not enjoyable. But if, you know, I know Jay's keeping them occupied, I put on a podcast or I put on a playlist and I actually really get into the zone of cooking and it is much more enjoyable.
Yeah, for sure. We also have used Chef's Plate. Our family, um, my husband Ian does most of the cooking and he is very good if he knows we've got a busy week coming up because he works out of town so he's not getting home usually until 6. 15, 6. 30. If we were waiting to feed the kids until then I would have hangry monsters on my hands so, but I don't love to cook nor do I generally know where to start.
So, um, yeah. We do a little bit of meal planning sort of on Sunday, we're usually home. He'll make a couple meals. We are big fans of leftovers. So we we tend to make bigger things and then divide it up for the week. And that usually is our lunches and dinners for a couple days. Anyways, if I'm in charge of dinner, I'm a huge fan of breakfast for dinner.
That's my go to. We do a lot of breakfast for dinner. Um, we're okay. One of the nights in the week, it's usually Friday is generally some sort of takeout or at least like, um, Like a pre made grocery, something like a pizza or sandwiches or something like that, just to make it easy. Um, Of course, that has to be in your budget.
We've also used Chef's Plate, which is great for me as someone who doesn't really know where to start. It's all laid out beautifully in there. Uh, but yes, meal planning, as much as it can feel as something else you have to do because I have felt that way about it. In my experience, that little bit of annoyingness at the beginning of the week helps you for the rest of the week.
Agreed. Yeah. And yeah, I'll throw on there too. I am a huge fan of grocery pickup. And so I, you know, I got into it, I think when I was on that leave. So whenever I'm like, you know, planning meals, getting groceries ready, if I think of something we need, I'll just add it to my online list, um, for groceries.
And then on Sundays I go with the kids to just, you know, park and then call. They bring my groceries out for me and it's all good to go. So yeah, like you said, just having that plan, like knowing kind of what we're having each day, making sure we have all the groceries on hand. So it's not that last minute scramble midweek of we have no groceries.
What are we going to eat? Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Cause Eating is important. I hear in terms of all of the health things. Um, okay. Number three on our list is to get better at asking for help. Just going to say I suck at this one. Um, but yes. Um, yes, I talk a lot. I know Rhonda does too. As moms or maybe just humans in this world, there's an ongoing ticker of things.
I often will describe it to my husband as constantly having a thousand tabs open on my brain computer. Um, And so he will often say to me, well, what can I do to help? I'm very lucky to have a supportive partner and part of it's control for me. If I'm being honest, I don't like to relinquish that, but it does help immediately.
So we were chatting before we started recording here, Rhonda made a suggestion on her Instagram this week about delegating her family or your husband, Jay's family's Christmas gifts to him. And honestly, I was just like, whoa, light bulb. I, it had never occurred to me to do that. So I did that. I did that this week and it was a load off.
Yeah, it seems so simple. It's those small decisions, right? That just add up. And, you know, again, this can go into multiple layers of like patriarchal society. And, you know, we exist in a world where women are expected to do it all. And, you know, we all, you know, many women now work full time too. So how are we expected to, you know, work and also do all the household duties?
So, There is no gold star for doing it all yourself. Your husband or your partner also lives at that house. And so, yeah, ideally if you have a supportive partner, ask for help, which, you know, even just asking for help can be frustrating because then it's like, why do I need to ask you should just know? But I always say like, we have to start somewhere.
We were all raised in a society where like Jay's mom did everything for him. So he is wonderful and amazing and so, so helpful. But it's still just his brain isn't kind of wired the same to like look at the tasks that need to be done. Um, so yeah, so asking for help is where we need to start. And he is again, also getting better at like seeing what needs to be done and just doing it too.
So hopefully you have that support system at home. Um, or, you know, if you have, if you're a single parent, if you have friends or family, like don't have shame attached to asking for help as, you know, as best you can reach out to a friend to help with, you know, putting the kids to bed a couple of nights a week, like whatever you can do to offload some of.
The heaviness of this year, this time of year, um, every little bit helps. Yeah, for sure. And I also think too, like, in not asking for help, I hear this a lot from my clients, and if I'm being honest, I have felt it as well. When we don't ask for help, and we have this running ticker, and we're feeling burnt out, and we see our partners, You know, maybe not feeling any of the stress, the resentment starts to creep into.
And while that's valid, it's not really fair, I suppose, if we haven't let them in on what our load feels like. Um, So I have felt that for sure. Uh, and I think for myself, I need to just recognize when I start to feel resentment, have a looking, a look at like, what are my expectations here? Am I expecting him to read my mind?
Cause that's not fair. Yeah. So then, yeah, I, I, again, supportive partners also, I think we both are surrounded by good villages and so we're, we're lucky that way. Um, but. It's not easy to ask for help is what I'm trying to say, uh, but if you're starting to feel these other sorts, sort of emotions coming up, then I just encourage you to practice it because it can help all that other resentment and anger and burnout type stuff.
Yeah, it is a practice skill and You know, it could change the dynamic of your relationship because if you're, you know, your partnership, you're used to doing things a certain way, there might be maybe whether it's pushback or just, you know, a bit of time to adjust to that new boundary that you're setting.
It's on us to set that boundary. We can't expect our partner, like you said, to read our mind and just ask to take something off your plate if you, they don't know you're overwhelmed. Yeah. The, I think it's, oh gosh, I'm going to get the Instagram handle wrong now, but I think it's diary of an honest mom. Oh yeah.
She's crazy. Had a great post this week about feeling guilty when your partner's cleaning the house. Yeah. And I just thought, Oh my gosh, that totally is me. I've done that before. I've been like, are you mad at me or something? And Ian will be like, what? No, like I'm just doing the dishes and it's me. Yeah. I am not currently being productive.
He lives here too. And the work of cleaning the kitchen does fall on both of us, but it's so inherently ingrained in Many of us that that means something is wrong. Yeah. I'm resting and you're cleaning. Yeah. So, yeah, that was an eye-opener when I saw that too. I was like, that is brilliant. But yeah, I, it also makes me think of, I, I dunno if it was a podcast or in her book, but Glennon Doyle talks about with her partner, Abby, that she would be the one cleaning and Abby would be the one relaxing.
And she said she'd be cleaning at her. I was like, Oh, I can like picture that. Right. When you're eating and you're like frustrated, like, why are they just sitting there scrolling their phone? And I'm doing all the work. And so, yeah, she remembered like in that process, it's like, what am I feeling right now?
Yes. I'm feeling resentment that I'm doing all the work and you're relaxing. But the other side of that is why am I not giving myself permission to just sit and relax? Right. Right? So I think in that comparison of, you know, you're sitting, relaxing and your husband is cleaning. Hmm. You're allowed to rest and relax.
Right? Like there's no rule that says if your husband's being productive, you also have to be productive. Right? Yeah. But yeah, all these things we have to unlearn. Yeah, the other thing that she posted about this week too that I thought was great, and I felt very overwhelmed by this, um, late last week as well, is the number of correspondence I have to respond to.
Yeah. Right? Like, In my daughter's birthday was this past Friday. She's a month before Christmas. And so we had a little party organized for her and just like Christmas gifts. And you know, who else was talking about this, this week was Rena. Um, Rena, Rena. Yeah. She was talking about, um, this like, idea of being asked what to, what other people should buy your kids and things like that.
And it's, it's true. I felt like I had 13 different messages about, can you measure this? And I need this information. And are you going to go to this birthday party and what happens? Can we get together for this? And I just was on overload looking at my phone. And, um, so all of this is to say that this stuff is just, Amplified around the holidays.
There's more events. There's more things to think about. There's meals to plan. There's gifts to plan and ask for help. Ask for help. And yeah, one little, one little trick for, I do this with emails. I do this with DMs on Instagram. I do this with texts. If I see a message and I'm not in the capacity to respond to it right away.
I'll mark it as unread. And so you can do that with a new iPhone update. If you have all done the new update, you can swipe to the right. I think mark it as unread to remind myself to go back to it. Cause yeah. How many messages do we read? And then, you know, it goes by, we don't respond to it. I think that's part of like setting boundaries too, is recognizing like, I'm not in a place to respond to this right now.
I know I want to, and I will, but I'm going to mark it on red and come back to it when I can. Yeah, sometimes I actually think I did. Like, it's like I responded in my head. Yeah. My body just wouldn't type it. Exactly. That is a helpful little trick. Thank you. Oh my goodness. Yes. All right. There was a lot on that topic.
I think that could be a whole episode in and of itself. We might be passionate about that one. Yeah. Yes. We are both clearly just working on it ourselves. All right, uh, the next one we have is, this is related to working, is see if you can try to block off intentional breaks at work. So depending what you do for a living, whether you work from home, work outside of the home, this is something I've been trying to do.
And I, Also will admit I'm not good at it. I try to block off like my lunch, um, block off a bit of time before I start my work. I've been trying to go for a walk first thing in the morning before I sit down on my computer and start working. Or before I see clients on my lunches, I'm trying my best to like, just relax on my lunches and not be on my computer whittling away.
So like, can you intentionally set up chunks of time in your day that you're not being productive? And this is so hard for me. So yeah. So whether it's again, going for a walk, even just scrolling Instagram, if that's something that is like mind numbing, relaxing for you, um, you know, lying down, if you have, if you're somewhere that you can lie down.
So, you know, there's studies to show that We're actually more productive if we give ourselves those intentional breaks. So I think we think that's such a waste of time. Why am I going to go for a walk in the middle of the day? Why am I going to lay down in the middle of the day? That actually helps us to be more productive and it just helps us be better humans because we need that downtime.
We can't expect ourselves to be on all the time. Yeah, our nervous systems are not wired for just constant stimuli, right? Like we really should be taking intentional rest. And I think it's important that it's not just for work. Like you might have a job where your only break is your lunch, and you could try some of these things.
But think about your week overall, and try to book in some intentional rest throughout the week. Like, just because it's break time, Sunday afternoon doesn't mean that you need to be doing the rest of the laundry and having every, you know, I would love it if my house was clean Sunday afternoon, but the reality is it isn't.
And sometimes just sitting and having, especially if you get Sunday scaries like me, it's important to just sit and chill. I feel much more relaxed come Monday morning. If I've had downtime in my weekend and I actually feel anxious if I don't have it somewhere hard boundary for me in the last couple years has been to be home in our house by 4pm at the latest on Sunday.
I love that. I don't want to be out. I don't want to be at a dinner. Very few things will pass that boundary for me. I love that. It has to be an absolute yes or a hell yes, or it's a hell no for me for that. And that's one that I really hold firm on because it helps me for the week. Yeah. That's so good.
Yeah. I relate to that for sure that if I don't have downtime, yeah, I just feel like my wheels are spinning and then I wake up Monday morning anxious. Right. So I need to, again, I feel like boundaries for me is less about boundaries for other people. It's more about my own personal boundaries. That's what I struggle with the most.
Right. Yeah. And I think this goes hand in hand with what we were talking about with coming back for asking for help. Like it is okay to take intentional rest when your partner is home and looking after the kids or, you know, Ian and I are really good at sort of trading off exercise as something like if he wants to get a workout in or, you know, We like to work out together on the weekends, but if that's not going to work just timing wise, then he will trade off like a little bit of a, of a relay.
So I do think these go hand in hand. They're not easy. And maybe that intentional break is just time away from social media. I think we should all be booking that in. Yeah, that's something I'm getting much more intentional about. I. Pretty much every weekend, you know, some exceptions, I delete Facebook and Instagram from my phone.
And I've actually started doing it some evenings as well, because that is when I find myself just, you know, mindlessly scrolling. I'm trying, you know, it's part of my business. So it is something that, um, You know, I need to do and I like, I do enjoy doing it, but it's, yeah, it's when I get sucked into the scroll, that is what drains me.
So when I catch myself doing that, I'm like, Hey, delete it. Because I think that is what goes wrong too. And I think Emma, um, press play physio talks about this a lot too, that when we're resting, try to be intentional about being completely off. Right. So I think, you know, we all have this habit of putting a movie on and we end up just scrolling our phone and we're like, I don't even know what happened in that movie.
So I, that's something I'm getting better at delete all, you know, delete Instagram, delete Facebook from my phone. Throw my phone, you know, the other side of the room if I need to, and be present and watch the movie, right? Which again, it sounds so silly, but the difference I feel after like truly enjoying and absorbing a movie versus just having in the background and scrolling my phone is night and day.
Oh, absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. And again, I think it just comes down to constant input and is ramped up during the holiday season because we see we're bombarded with these images of all these perfect events that everybody's going to and, uh, While it's lovely, and I hope everybody is feeling joy, I suspect that in the background, a lot of those perfect pictures feel like we are talking about, like a little bit burst out, a little bit overwhelmed.
Um, so keep that in mind when you're scrolling too. Okay. Try to minimize financial stress if you can. This is huge for me. I have a lot of financial, um, anxiety just from, I don't know, I think part of the way I was brought up, whatever. So it's, it's a lot. Christmas can be a lot and that's not really what it's supposed to be about.
So I think it's okay to have boundaries around how much you spend, who you buy gifts for. I'm starting to come around to the idea that I would much rather plan something, even if it's in the new year, January, February, March with people, rather than buying a gift that I'm not even sure if you're into or your kid is into, um, I would much rather do something like that at a time where maybe finances aren't as tight for everybody.
more than buy the gifts. Um, we try to plan ahead a little bit. I definitely am the kind of person and this wouldn't work for everybody, but I am the kind of person I start Christmas shopping like boxing day. It's sort of in my genetics. My Nana always did that too. But seriously, if I see something for somebody and this goes for birthdays, really, if I see something that I know someone's going to like, I will buy it.
I don't care if it's eight months from their birthday or 11 months to Christmas, I usually will put it aside for them. And that is who Trust me, a huge decrease in financial strain, organizational strain. Um, it's amazing. That's right. You just have to remember what you bought. Yes. So I do tend to have inventory.
Like I am looking at the right now. I'm horrified to even turn the computer for those. If you're watching on YouTube to see what the rest of this room looks like, but I have like bags for family members. So I sort of regularly take inventory. That's smart. That's so good. I need to start doing that. I try, I think I usually start buying like beginning of November, but yeah, our credit card statement, you know, for the next two months is outrageous.
So it just made me think of that is, um, a couple of things I do this time of year. And depending on your situation, whether you have this option or not, we have a money back, um, credit card. And so I always, I make a note in my phone, usually like December 1st. to like cash that in in December. So, you know, save it up for the whole year.
Um, yeah. And, you know, even if it's a couple hundred bucks, that helps. Um, the other thing I do, I have a president's choice, um, card or like the optimum card it is now. I also save up all those points, which my sister's like, how do you do that? She like uses her points regularly. Just whenever she's out shopping, I save them up.
Till this time of year, and I go to there's in our shoppers and I get all the stocking stuffers with those points. And so last year it was crazy last year, I think I had 300 of points, and the stocking literally came to like 250, like I literally used up the exact amount almost. Yeah. That was helpful too.
Just like little things, right? And just takes a little bit of that load off. Um, just knowing you have a couple extra dollars lying around. The other thing I was saying to Dayna before we started recording, this is something eventually I would love to do, um, more consistently is setting a certain amount of money aside every month into like a separate account that's for Christmas.
So that, yeah, come Christmas you have that money set aside. Yeah. And the other thing too, I think a lot of people will sort of stick to just, I think it falls into many of these categories, but I know it can help my minimize financial stress too, is if you sort of stick to that, especially with kids, like, what is it?
One thing they want, one thing they need a book and read and read. Yeah. Or yeah, where and anyways, yeah, yeah, that's, I try to stick to that. Take some planning out of it. It can drastically reduce, um, the amount you spend because it is easy to just buy, buy, buy, buy, buy, and then be like, holy shoot. I bought a lot for this person, you know?
So yeah, these things help, these things help me a lot. So if you're someone who experiences a lot of financial stress for whatever reason, um, you know, Hopefully you find some of those tips helpful. Yeah. So good. And you're also not alone. You're not alone with all of this. Yeah. We struggle with all of this ourselves too.
Um, the last thing and this, I think will be a doozy too, uh, similar to asking for help. It's okay to say no to things. So yes, I think David and I would both admit that we are recovering people pleasers, and this is something I am truly actively working on. Yeah. And it is hard for me. So I'll just give you a quick example.
I had somebody reach out to me. So an acquaintance, so it's not, it wasn't a friend. It was an acquaintance. Somebody I knew from my old job, um, is into like the finance world. And she messaged me on Instagram to see if we could talk, um, and just let me know about her job and what she does and, you know, whether we could refer clients back and forth, which is awesome.
I mean, it's, it takes a lot to reach out to like that. But yeah, my first gut instinct was like, I have no time for that right now. Like, you know, good for you, but I can't. And so my old self would have been like, sure, let's hop on a zoom. Like no problem. I'd love to hear about it. And again, it's not, this is where most of my work has come around is I'm always trying to be the nice person.
Right. But like sometimes when we're the nice person, we're not kind to ourselves. Right. And so when we say yes to everything, that Cause again, my gut instinct was, I don't have space for this right now. So when we dishonor that, then yeah, we are putting that person ahead of our own needs and that catches up to us.
Right. So, so I sent a very kind message back to her and I just said, good for you. This is amazing. Um, I don't have the capacity for it right now. Reach out to me again in the new year and I might have more space. I also offer paid mentorship calls. That is something I'm getting better at too, of like. Yeah.
If you're, if you pay for my time, then I, yeah, that is okay. But that, you know, felt icky for me for the longest time, truthfully, but I'm getting better at that because that again, it's honoring my time. It's honoring my energy and it is kind to do that. And her response back was amazing. And, you know, that is the thing.
I think we put the thought in her head that they're going to be mad and they're going to be upset. But her response back was, Yeah. Thank you for letting me know that. And I'll reach out to you in the new year. So it almost then gives her as a woman permission and we don't need permission, but it just gives that example of like, Oh, I can do that too.
Right. Of like, we're allowed to set those boundaries and it's not unkind. In fact, it is kind to do that, to be honest and not say yes to something that you're going to resent. When that time does come up. Right. Yes. Yes. I had a similar experience recently and I was very proud of myself for sort of, you know, saying that I didn't have the capacity right now.
Um, but it does take work. I, you say recovering people pleaser. I don't know if I'm recovering. It's definitely something I want to recover from. Yeah. Um, Yeah, but it's so true. Like we don't have to say yes to everything and it ends up for me, I can tell, I don't know about you, but when I say yes to something that I truly don't want to do, it's like a visceral reaction.
I know that that is going to sit in the back of my mind and sort of stew and fester, and I'm going to be dreading it right before it happens. What an awful situation. I don't know, but I've done this. My whole life, right? So it is something I think when we have events that we don't really want, we do not have to go to every meal.
We do not have to go to every Christmas market event for your kids. Last year, this was hard for me. I'm an elf. I love all things Christmas. And I just was like, I don't have it in me to do a Christmas card this year. Yeah, photo I want to use. It wasn't really in the budget to get the Christmas cards themselves.
I couldn't imagine writing addresses out. Truly. I just was like, I can't do it. So I didn't. And you know what? Christmas still happened and it was still fun. And I still enjoyed getting everybody else's card. And not one person said, man, We missed getting your card this year. Not one person. It was fine.
Yeah. Now that you say that, I don't, I didn't notice that Dayna and I like being on the other end of it. I've never been a holiday card giver person because I sound so terrible. I know how I am as a receiver. Like I'll leave them out for a couple of weeks. But they go in the recycling. I'm like, Go in the recycling.
Yeah. So that irks me, whether it's like an environmental thing or just like a not necessary thing. Again, if you love doing that, and that's the thing, it's like, if that brings you joy, go for it. Right? I'm not trying to like poo poo that, but I know as a receiver, when I, See what I do with that card. I'm like, I don't want to do that because I know what happens to them.
Yeah. I genuinely love getting cards, particularly pictures of your family because some of our friends and family, we don't see very often. So I, I genuinely love receiving them. And I, Display them. They're up on my like little Christmas card garland. They'd go on the recycling bin after if that's not what you're supposed to do.
So sorry. Um, I assume that's where mine's going, but I just said full on. No. The other thing I said no to in my brain, nobody knows this except me is we're not doing Santa photos at the mall this year. You know what? I was just thinking about that. Yeah. I haven't even thought of it. I kind of Yeah, it costs 10 bucks now.
And Like, my son's gonna hate it. I, I don't even think I don't know if they take your picture, but last year we had to take the picture and still pay the money. We saw him at the parade. We wrote the letters. Santa will come regardless if you go see him at the mall. So I just said no. Yeah, I think I'm saying no this year too.
I know that's not really a people pleaser thing, but that's one of the pressures I put on myself at the holidays is to do all the things, to make the magic for my kids. And I do think I'm getting better at being choosier about what we do, and that's hard. It is hard. It is hard. You see everybody else on social media doing all of the things.
I think when we all sort of take a step back and say no to some things, it gives others permission to do that. And maybe then we can all just be a little more calm around this time of year. Amen. That was well said. Oh yes. I feel like that. I actually just wrote an email to my Uh, email newsletter that's coming out on Wednesday, just talking about this time of year and, um, trying to be the perfect mom and I forget what the quote is, but like, there's no such thing as a perfect mom, but there's a million ways to be a really good mom.
Yeah, I feel like that. I try to remember that, that, you know. Yeah. There's no definition of all the things that you have to check off a list to be the perfect mom. That just doesn't exist. You're going to be striving forever. And so, and I think that is what it comes down to, right. Is if we are honoring our piece and we are honoring our needs, we are going to be a really good mom, right.
Versus if we're trying to check off all these lists, we're going nutty. We're not going to be the best mom. Right. And that's kind of a hard pill to swallow because we want to do all these things, but it's worth it. We only have so much capacity as humans, right? And I think our overall message here is we started this chat being like the fix The fix for burnout is joy, but where does the joy go?
I've got all these other things to do So hopefully if we all practice on doing a couple of these things We have a little bit more Uh capacity to enjoy The holidays to enjoy the things that sort of do bring you joy about it Um Like we're going to get a Christmas tree this, this year and I swear I'm not going to let any tantrum bother me.
It's going to bring me joy. Um, but maybe you'll have a little bit more time and a little bit more capacity to figure out where some of that self care goes, or maybe just doing these things is self care. I think that is important too. Self care doesn't have to be something else that you do. It can be removing something that you do.
Huge. Yeah, that has been. My learning journey is what can I remove from my life to make? my self, yeah, have more peace in my life. I think that, yeah, as a type a go, go, go individual, that's really hard for me, but that has been a game changer. So like something that's bringing me joy right now. And similar to what I mentioned before about, you know, deleting social media is after our chat today and deleting social media, I'm going to put on a Christmas movie and Um, and I think it's really important for us to be, you know, present and just enjoy it.
Those cheesy Netflix Christmas movies. Oh my goodness. I love them so much. They're great. They're the best. Yes. Five stars, all of them. Yes. They're terrible. That's the point people get on board. Yes. Well, I hope these help. Um, again, it's not, you know, every point here is going to be applicable to all of you, but.
I hope you can get a little bits and pieces from this, um, episode to help you have a little bit more joy and less stress this holiday season. Thanks for listening to today's podcast. We hope you enjoyed the conversation. If you liked what you heard, we would love if you could share this with a friend, leave us a review or subscribe to anywhere that you'd listen to your podcast.
Thanks for being here.
